Girlfriend

I have one. We;ve been dating a month.

I'm writing this on her laptop, sitting on her bedroom floor, while she sleeps a few feet away.

She makes me crazy. I feel stressed out about her almost all of the time.

That's bad.

But I like her a lot. That's good.

There are some fundamental differences in how we look at the world. She thinks being friends with exes is a goal; I think it's deplorable. She rarely feels intimate during sex; I feel intimate during, after, and because of sex. She has more guy friends than I do; I have no girlfriends except for her and my sister.

She's a city chick. I will never love San Francisco. Not now, not ever.

It feels insurmountable, writing it down, now, alone in the dark even as she's in the room. It feels like I should go back to barely makin' it.

I love her. I haven't told her, because I don't think she loves me back. And as I write this, a part of me wonders if she can. Maybe that's what I'm feeling -- that lack of intimacy I yearn for with her may run deep.

I'm very confused.