Goodbye AZ

I moved out of my place in Arizona yesterday.

1900 miles in 3 days. 1300 of them 19 hours yesterday.

It made me sad. Conflicted. I guess it was the physical manifestation of me giving up on the dream.

I will lie tomorrow like I lied yesterday. I'm better at it, perhaps -- I can talk about frat parties and dorm rooms. I can talk about all night study sessions and dumb roommates.

I can continue to lie.

Thanks, dad. You were successful in imprinting a little piece of your failed existence on me, after all.

--

Slutbag wrote me today. It was a mass email asking for advice on a volunteer program abroad where she'd get sponsored for her travel and lodging in exchange for her time.

Hmm, how about the Organization for the Survivors of Cheating Whores?

--

K, that's all. Life isn't really that bad. I'm just a little... irreverent. Perhaps.

Drunk drunk drunk. Drunk!

Yes, drunk. Some irishman offered me a pour of goldschlager and I took it. And he poured. And poured. And poured. I think I took on 8 shots at once. It was like a twenty second pour.

Ow.

And I'm drunk. And alone. Because you're honest when you're drunk, right, and honesty says that I love the people I trust so much more than they deserve and could give a fuck about everyone else... hot or not.

So. I miss Laura right now. Enough to go look at her myspace and note that I am nowhere to be found. That I am but her dirty little secret from three summers ago, a footnote in the great expanse of life, the google cache, and the universe.

I'm ok with that. But I still miss her.

Tear.

I miss Presh, too, even as I acknowledge that there's nothing to miss.

With either of them. They were nothing except some fanciful nightmare of dream trapped within my own head.

...says the hurting sensitivity of all that is Alfie to himself in hopes that he'll believe.