The first night is the hardest (I hope)

I wish I were dead right now. I want a valium. No, actually what I want is for her to call me and tell me she's an idiot, that the last week in Maui was worth a thousand fights, that I might, in fact, be the one. I want her to show up on my doorstep and ask if she can spend the night. Not in a naughty way, in a PG, I love you too much to let you go kinda way. I want her to be my girl... I want to look at her and feel secure and lucky and happy. I want it to be like it was before I found out she cheated.