Better Days

Her blog was deleted sometime... I don't know. In the last day. I had been lightly monitoring it. One recent post made me really angry. Alanis comes to mind, even though trite and 15 years old. It was a slap in the face how quickly I was replaced.

But it was all a slap in the face.

And I've had a good weekend.

It's funny... I had the opportunity to hook up on Saturday night, and I wasn't going to, but then I saw her stupid blog, and suddenly it was easy. Nothing to get you going quite like revenge sex. Heh.

It was fun. Really fun, actually. I've known her, sorta, for years. Standard warm market pseudo one night stand. I'll see her again, and it won't be awkward at all. Good times. (Kelly)

And today, I turned off the phone, didn't check email, and got a shitload of work done. My place down south is probably rented. I have a half dozen leads on my vacancy in the east bay. Development projects seem less overwhelmingly behind schedule. My dishes are mostly done, my sheets are clean, my belly is full, and I got to play over three hours of basketball tonight.

Normality is returning. The roller coaster is over.

I am still broken hearted. I still miss her. But the absurdity of the dysfunction that was present is becoming apparent. And while I love her still and have, sadly, already forgotten the nuance of her smell, the return of focus is welcome.

A part of me hopes she still calls. And, in truth, I believe she will someday, even if just to say hello and maybe apologize. But I remember now what it feels like to be me, and it feels great. I have a good, balanced life, and I can be perfectly happy without her.

If she comes back, she will do so on my terms. No more roller coasters. No more divided allegiances or indecision. No flip flopping and, most of all, no more leftovers. I deserve better. I deserve to be the main course and dessert.

In other news, I called back the last several months of young ladies over the weekend. Most didn't respond, but it was good to connect with some old friends. RJF is back, believe it or not. She texted about a month ago, and I replied nonchalantly, but didn't think anything of it. And here she is, persisting. I didn't even think to call her -- she reached out on Friday night to see if I wanted to grab a G&T. I declined b/c I was in a funk, which I'm sure only made her more interested. Heh. She was a sweetheart; quite compelling. I'd love to actually get a second date with that one. Maybe the timing is better now. Heh. Hendricks actually tasted better with her... and I say that from just our one epic date. Weird.

WNBA called back too. Yeah, I got her number. I didn't think I'd ever call, but the best way to get over somebody is to get under somebody. Lol. I think she'll bore me to tears, but why not. Maybe we can do some drills if nothing else. No, not that kind... psssh.

Well. Maybe. She does kinda remind me of a dude, though. Lmao!

Visalia tomorrow. Mmmm. Now that I'm really unattached, I see a hot twenty-year-old in my future. Yes, dirty old man. Dirrrrty. But I'll be good to her. I promise. I'll be the litmus test for the next two dozen age-appropriate guys she dates.

Really good. Maybe three dozen. It is the central valley, after all. Less competition.