Spinach and Brussel Sprouts

I'm at Tuk Tuk. There's a female vocalist... Ingrid or Kate Nash or someone I don't know singing a cover of Elvis' "I can't help falling in love". I've heard it on my primary Pandora station a few times.

It's nice. Makes me remember love. Feeling it. Makes losing it present, yet easier to handle.

Every girl who stuck around long enough has been here with me. Crazy Lauren. Kait. Skater Lauren.

Hmmm. Laura might not have, actually. I wonder if that says something. But every girl who stayed, ever girl who really loved me, even if there methods were insane. Even Kim.

Even Melissa.

She responded to an email I sent today that was all business. She asked me not to contact her for anything, including business.

I was kinduv taken aback. It stung.

It's not that I really cherished talking about T1s with her... it just seems like that strange overkill thing. Like I'm some leper or something.

I suppose, actually, it's a sign that she misses me. That she fears that some interaction with me would make her weak in her resolve, make her want to come back to me.

That probably should make me feel a little better, but it really doesn't.

I feel a little angry when I think about it. Last night's leftovers have become yesterday's garbage.

Pretty soon I'll get taken out to the curb and hauled away. That sucks.

--

Food is here. Done for now.

One thing, though... I thought "love" meant something different than this. I thought love meant you don't just disappear, never to return.

Like Melisssa.

(racks brain)

Like Kim.

Um. Chrissy.

Crazy Lauren.

Um.

That's it. Someday, with the objectivity of distance, I'll have to ponder what it is that gave these girls the ability to just shut me out. To turn off. I wonder if it is the same. They were all a little crazy. I suppose they were all pretty selfish, too, in there own different ways.

Whatever. I don't have objectivity yet.

And I still miss her. A lot.

--

She doesn't like spinach or brussel sprouts. I wonder if I'll remember that a year from now.

I wonder if she'll remember me fondly. I hope there will at least be that.